Every day is filled with choices. Some are simple as what will we eat while others, can be life-changing. There are always plenty of factors that help us decide those choices but ultimately, we are the ones who make the choice.
What prompted me to write the book “Shame On Me” was the realization that I didn’t understand what it was about my own thinking that was the problem. I made hurtful and sometimes sabotaging decisions and had no idea I was making them. (Actually it was more as though I didn’t want to realize I was doing it).
We create negative thinking patterns as young children and they continue on into adulthood. Because they have been a part of us for so long, we can make the mistake of believing that is who we really are. My goal is to help others get a greater understanding of who they are and help change those thinking patterns into positive ones.
Life’s struggles are never enjoyable when we struggle to overcome them but they do make us stronger. In our battle, we need to face the enemy head on and work hard to defeat it. But sometimes it’s difficult to know who or what the real enemy is. There are so many hurdles in life and it can appear that the enemy is striking from all sides at once.
The simple answer is that the real enemy is usually – if not every time – ourselves. We are the ones who frequently get in our own way. This is the reason why I wrote the book Shame on Me!
Our own thinking patterns are what really hinder our progress and frequently they go undetected for years. Finding those patterns can be difficult; but the reward is a greater understanding of who we truly are.
Thank you all for the support as the journey begins. This weekend will be the first time the book will be revealed publicly and I welcome comments. A year and a half was spent finalizing it after 4 years of living it.
Thanks to the help of a tremendous therapist, Dr. Shannon Smith, there is a renewed meaning and interest as the sun rises. The effort and hard work I put in to understanding what changes were needed has also helped me to be understanding and empathetic with others to do the same for them. It would be a blessing and an honor to have to do this each day for the rest of my life.
The Journey Begins
At 57, it’s hard to believe that my journey is just beginning but that is how I feel. In a few days, I’ll be introducing a book which was completed over the last year and a half. The book chronicles the growth and transformation that has occurred in the last 5 years and iterates it in ways that are applicable and practical in your own search for growth and empowerment.
“You have been given a gift” my therapist told me at which time I had no clue how precious it truly was. After countless hours of writing and reflection, I was able to gain a greater understanding of who I was. It provided a new freedom that compels me to talk about it with family, friends, as well as complete strangers. My hope is that this kind of work will become what I do on a daily basis. My book will be the launching of this new journey; one which I am ready to joyfully embark.
Originally posted in December 15, 2013, the passion has only broadened!
Having the ability to listen to yourself may be much more difficult than you believe. Especially if you were raised to feel a lot of shame about who you are. In my case, not only did I grow up thinking that way but I lived in a place of shame anxiety. In other words, I constantly worried about doing, saying, hearing, or thinking something that I should not be or that someone would tell me something shameful I did. Can you see how complicated and complex the picture gets? Even while being alone, the idea of thinking something that I shouldn’t would haunt me and kept me in this anxious state.
The little voice inside my head was now just as guilty as everyone else who caused me to feel my own shame. Through the years, your inner voice – which is supposed to help you reason cognitively and feel emotionally – now was simply another outlet for feeling shame.
What I find frustrating is when someone who is supposed to be “motivating” you says, “Don’t listen to that inner voice telling you that you can’t” indirectly, that person instead of motivating you, is now another source of shame. I say, LISTEN TO THAT VOICE, but DON’T BELIEVE IT! You have to figure out why it’s telling you that. Your inner voice is you. You must be able to listen and trust yourself. This is not an easy thing to do. It has taken me a long time to understand that. Even after having a wonderful therapist to help me learn what I need to do to change that voice.
Do I still hear that doubting voice in my head? Absolutely. I simply don’t believe it. However, don’t ever underestimate the power of shame and what it does in people’s lives. This is my goal and passion in life; to help others begin to get a better understanding of this process.