How Healing Can Begin

Klara road

Photo by Klara Pospisilova

When it comes to our own lives, the concept of healing is not only important but vital! However, how does one begin to heal? When someone suggests you must heal to move forward, it may be a good suggestion but without understanding the process, they might as well have told you to fly to the moon.

I believe that healing lies in the ability to first forgive ourselves. This may seem contrary to what’s been advocated in the past, namely we must forgive others. But why are people suggesting that we forgive others? Because of what it does for our own selves. I believe we must BEGIN by forgiving ourselves. That is where the healing starts.

If there are memories from our past that have been hurtful and damaging, we must change the way we feel about us individually in order to transform those memories into moments of healing. If those moments come to mind and we simply choose not to think about them or think about something else, that is merely a distraction. No doubt this is much easier said than done and that will be discussed in more detail with the next post. As always, your thoughts are welcome.

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Back To The Begining

River2

Photo By Klara Pospisilova

In the last post (click here to read it) we discussed how the feeling of arrogance can occur through shame. But when do we first begin to have negative feelings about who we are? Truthfully, it begins long before what might be expected. Experience feelings of neglect and abandonment can provide opportunities of self-doubt. As we begin to form relationships, encountering criticism and  exclusion create more opportunities.

A child may strive for parental approval and if he or she does not receive that validation, it can lead to feelings of unworthiness. On the contrary, the child may work harder and harder without again, getting validation. Although their may be great accomplishment, the lack of approval may spawn a confusion which eventually leads to arrogance. Because each one of us grows up in different environments and with diverse genetics, we all react and process these feelings in different ways.

What is important is trying to understand how we processed these feelings and how it created thinking patterns which constructed damaging results. Once we realize that it was our thinking and how we viewed who we are and were, we can begin to forgive ourselves. This is where healing can begin. I believe that in order to move forward and be empowered, healing is the first step.

As always, your thoughts are welcome.

The Many Faces of Shame

ShameWhen you hear the word shame, it conjures images of low self-esteem and unworthiness. However in the last post, the question was asked if shame also creates feelings of extreme arrogance (click here to read the post).  Arrogance can be defined as an over exaggeration of one’s own worth. But if we are truly confident in ourselves, there is no need to over amplify our abilities. We can be proud without the urgency of making sure everyone knows it…..and won’t forget it!

Why would someone then feel the need to display arrogant behavior? Is it because down deep inside they don’t want you to know how badly they feel about themselves and must exude this behavior so you won’t see it either? Shame is what causes them to have those destructive opinions but instead of creating feelings of unworthiness, they mask it with an inflated sense of self-worth.

Shame, the negative thoughts about who we are, does not simply create humiliating and other disgraceful emotions, arrogance and self-importance are opposite ways in which people can react to it.

Next time we will discuss how and when these thoughts first become part of our thinking. In the meantime, I would love to hear your thoughts on this subject.