“Proper healing takes time. Often much more than we had hoped”
There were a lot of great responses to my last article on healing (click here to read it). This subject is of enormous importance to me and will always capture my attention. It is the one shared attribute you will most certainly have in common with anyone you meet. Nearly every human who has ever walked on this planet, at one point in their lives, needed emotional healing from a life experience. Yet, still it continues to be rarely examined and when it is, the antidotes are often vague and of little to no value.
It is vexing why this topic remains in the shadows when many times, it is the answer to living a full and satisfying life. The drawback to examining this subject could be that it touches on very sensitive areas which must be dealt with individually. Truthfully, I wanted to apologize in advance because it is such a challenging subject to cover in 600 words or less. Also, there is an ongoing chance some concepts might be taken out of context; however, that is a risk always worth taking.
Additionally, it’s upsetting when bad or incorrect advice is given; ultimately decreasing the chances for healing to occur. It’s important to know that we all are responsible for our own understanding. Simply because things are spoken or written does not make them fact. This holds true for what I write as well. Never assume that my words are not to be challenged, I encourage opinions which differ or may contradict mine. Questioning our beliefs either changes, alters, or makes them stronger.
One of the most common statements which I believe has very little merit is that “Time heals all wounds.” Perhaps it feels like healing but in actuality, it only lessens the impact of the pain we suffered and the anxiety is less significant. If one were to focus on recollecting moments from that event, no doubt much of the agony and despair would return.
Forgiveness is also key to our healing. However, this concept is also very easily misunderstood and taken out of context. Much advice spewed about forgiveness is that we MUST forgive others. First and foremost, I would NEVER suggest this is a vital part of all healing. It would be completely wrong and compassionless to suggest that forgiving your abuser is a requirement for healing to occur. That choice should absolutely be left up to the individual. If we ever do choose to forgive that person, it is primarily for our own benefit and not that of the one who committed the atrocity.
The complication arises in being able to forgive oneself – another often misinterpreted statement. It was, however, something which through the aid of my therapist, I was able to learn. Not only was I successful in implementing it in my life but became quite competent at teaching and helping others.
Self-forgiveness will be the topic for next week’s article but please feel free to leave comments on how you were able to heal. If you don’t want to wait until next week, please feel free to contact me. My thanks to Al Martin for the beautiful photograph which can be seen on unsplash.com by clicking here.